What Your Coffee Order Says About You

Ever wonder what’s going through your barista’s head when you place your order? 

The cat’s out of the bag–we’re 100% quietly psychoanalyzing you based on your drink choice. Every coffee order tells a story, and your barista has seen it all.

Here’s the inside scoop on what your coffee order says about you—straight from the people making it.

  1. Black Coffee

Ah, the black coffee purist. You don’t need frills, foam, or flavors—you just want to feel something. Anything. You’re either a minimalist, a coffee snob, or someone who’s just trying to survive the day without getting stuck in small talk. We appreciate your straightforward approach, but we’re also wondering if you’ve ever considered treating yourself to, well...joy.

  1. Iced Americano

You’re walking the tightrope between “I’m sophisticated” and “I’ve got some serious caffeine dependency.” You want that caffeine hit without all the fluff, and we definitely respect the grind. You’re drinking cold coffee all year round, and you’ll die on that hill. 

  1. Pumpkin Spice Latte

Oh, it’s that time of year again, isn’t it? When the PSL army emerges from hibernation, demanding their fix of fall-in-a-cup. Your barista already knows you’re about to hit them with a very specific order (extra whip, nonfat, half-pump, etc.). But hey, we’re rolling with it. Just don’t ask for it in July.

  1. Cappuccino

Congratulations—you’ve reached the level of “I want a real coffee experience.” You know what you like, and it’s a perfect balance of espresso and foam. You’re likely to comment on the quality of the microfoam or the froth, and your barista is prepared for it. Sure, we’ve heard your unsolicited European travel stories before, but at least you’re ordering something with integrity.

  1. Mocha

You’re here for dessert, not coffee. You know it’s basically a hot chocolate with an espresso shot thrown in for good measure. If Willy Wonka opened a coffee shop, this would be his best-seller. 

  1. Flat White

You’ve done your research, and you want everyone to know it. You definitely know your way around coffee terminology and probably drop phrases like “microfoam” and “wet cappuccino” at brunch just to flex. Don’t worry, we’re making it perfect for you… even with you watching our every move.

  1. Frappuccino or Blended Drink

You just want a milkshake with a splash of caffeine. Your ideal date night is probably something wild, like mini-golf followed by laser tag, and your drink order reflects that same level of chaos. You’re not interested in the subtleties of coffee—you’re here to have a sugar-filled blast with a mountain of whipped cream on top. 

  1. Matcha Latte

You have a yoga mat in your car, a reusable straw in your purse, and a Pinterest board dedicated to self-care rituals. You’re here for a drink that looks as good as it makes you feel, and you’ll make sure all of your Instagram followers know about it.

  1. Decaf Anything

Oh no… What went wrong in your life that led you to this moment?

  1. Redeye

You’re not messing around today. This is the drink of someone who’s sleep-deprived, on their third deadline of the day, and a little dead inside. We’re concerned for your well-being but impressed by your commitment to sheer survival. 

Don’t want to get quietly judged by your barista? Here’s an idea: make your coffee at home! Stock up on your favorites from Rootless.
Back to News